The 46 stages of Twitter



As a fully paid up member and card-carrying Twitter addict, I recognised myself in many of the following stages of this post at Sound familiar to you too?

1. Hear the word Twitter.  Scoff.
2. Hear it again from someone else.  Scoff again.
3. Hear about famous celebrity who is apparently “On Twitter.”  Scoff, but make mental note to check it out.
4. Log into Facebook to comfort self.
5. Sign up for Twitter.
6. Give up because it seems dumb.
7. Loudly criticize others on Twitter.
8. Follow @johncmayer, @aplusk, @rainnwilson, @wilw, @mrskutcher, @oprah, and one other person you actually know.
9. Post tweet that is a variant of: “Trying out this Twitter thing.”
10. Attempt to dig a little deeper into Twitter.
11. Notice rampant usage of words: “Tweet,” “Twitter,” “Twitterverse,” “Tweetie,” “Tweetdeck,” and something called “RT.”
12. Scoff again, this time in confusion.
13. Tell friends you “tried that Twitter thing, but didn’t get it and it’s stupid anyway.”
14. Log into Facebook because that site at least makes sense.
15. Read story about Twitter somewhere.
16. Log back into Twitter. 
17. Try to avoid saying Tweet, Twitter, Twitterverse, Tweetie, Tweetdeck, and ReTweet.
18. Respond to @rainnwilson.
19. Curse self for fanning out.
20. Log off for 4 months.
21. Come back, just to see.
22. Post something relatively funny.
23. Get RT’d.
24. Discover that RT means ReTweet.
25. Make it your life mission to get RT’d.
26. Install Twitter app on your phone.
27. No longer ashamed to say “I’ve gotta Twitter that.”
28. Attend events with the sole intention of “Tweeting” them.
29. Pray to get RT’d.
30. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
31. Close computer.
32. Open computer.  Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.
33. Think in 140 character sentences.
34. Compulsively check phone all day every day.
35. Tweet that you compulsively check phone all day every day.
36. Alienate actual people in your life in an attempt to impress ones you don’t know.
37. Lose weight because you forget to eat.
38. Place phone by bed so you can check first thing in the morning.
39. Defend Twitter to the death from detractors.
40. Hear self, and vaguely recognize that you have become “That Guy.”
41. Feel like, and start to behave like River Tam.
42. Vow to quit Twitter to preserve sanity.
43. Read this and change mind. 
44. Think to self, “I should twitter that.”
45. Recognize irony.
46. Twitter it.


16 responses »

  1. Brilliant!! Yes I see myself in that list. at least up to number 39! Very funny and good to laugh at our ‘addiction’ but maybe a time to change our behaviors?………Nah!

  2. i am a total twitterholic too – but i don’t think it took me that many stages to get there – i think it happened pretty quickly for me

  3. Pingback: Trapped in the web « Diary of a Country Wife

  4. Hilarious! What a fabulous read on a Sunday morning.

    There is definitely a national Twitter addiction epidemic. Once you’re hooked, you have to take huge steps to wean your self off it. (Hide the laptop, do housework, catch up with things you should have done already…)

    I’ve embraced the madness now and don’t fight it any more! 😀

    Lovely read; thanks so much.

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