Australian sex therapist Bettina Arndt persuaded 98 couples to reveal all in personal diaries kept over the course of a year. The results were published in “The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles”,
a book which charts the deepest, private emotions of both men and women – and reveals a hidden world that’s truthful, painful and sometimes inspiring.
The diaries aren’t really about sex at all, but about the emotions that surround sex with someone you love – fear, intimacy, gratitude, guilt, resentment, loneliness, hope. In fact, the last thing these real couples are worried about is ‘spicing it up’, new positions, or the size of his equipment.
They’re more concerned about why their wife doesn’t seem to love them any more, or why their husband still hopes for sex when he won’t even take out the rubbish to show he cares.
The Sex Diaries reveals a much more tender, intimate truth about men in relationships. Men who aren’t, in fact, surfing internet porn every night, or resentfully putting up with the middleaged wife while they fantasise about the hot 21-year-old next door.
It comes as a poignant surprise, in fact, to discover that the majority are still deeply in love with their wives; they just want the chance to be physically closer to her, and to feel loved and accepted in return, despite their balding heads or round tummies.
In today’s Daily Mail, Flic Everett, agony aunt for Company magazine, reviews The Sex Diaries and reflects that ” to a sexpert who’s become used to a rarefied world of tricks and toys, positions and pulsations, it can be difficult to imagine what’s really going on in people’s bedrooms”
“Piecing together a general idea from letters requesting help with esoteric erotic problems, or bemoaning ‘boring-in-bed’ boyfriends, it would be easy to think the whole country’s at it every night. The Sex Diaries is proof that it isn’t. And a timely reminder to me – and my fellow sexperts – that sometimes, feelings are much more important than facts”.
You can read Everett’s article here